What truly matters at the end of your life?

It’s not what you have at the end of life, it’s what you leave behind that matters.-Stedman Graham

As part of my job as a physician and nephrologist, I get called quite often to attend emergency dialysis in ICU for very ill patients. Some of these patients survive but most of them die due to complications of their underlying illnesses- heart attack, bad infection (septicemia), cancer-related complications, etc.

Some of the deaths are expected but occasionally family members do not anticipate the illness of their loved ones could be so sudden and deadly.

People naturally prefer to avoid the subject of their loved ones or their own decrepitude, but after years of seeing deaths in my practice, I always wonder what truly matters at the end of our lives.

Wise people remind themselves that every day could be their last, I often have the privilege to talk to these dying patients and ask them what matters to them most at the end of their lives.

Time is the most important commodity

Patients always remind me that the most important commodity in our lives is time. It is the only non-renewable resource we have no matter how much money we make.

When we are young, we spend lots of time earning money, neglecting the fact that one day we all grow old, get sick and die. We trade our limited time for infinite money and soon when we are on our deathbeds, we suddenly realize our youthful years have slipped through our lives quietly.

I learn from my patients, the ultimate commodity that we seek should not be money but time. Because one day all of us would realize how little and limited time we have. We should quickly make time to live the life that we find most satisfying and full of purpose.

Your family matters the most

At the end of our lives, we would find out only family members are the ones who accompany us besides our deathbed rather than our work or colleagues.

One of my patients tell me the best way a father can show his love to the family is to love the children’s mother. Don’t love your work, you could be replaced easily anytime. Love your family because your wife and children would be the ones who miss you the most when you are gone!

No matter what you’ve done for yourself or for humanity, if you can’t look back on having given love and attention to your own family, what have you really accomplished?

Lee Iacocca

No matter how hard you work when you are young and how many hours you’ve spent with your work in your lifetime, all these become irrelevant when you are dying. Strike a balance between your family and work. People who cry when you die are your family members.

Spend on experience and not stuff

Material possessions seldom boost life satisfaction. Spend less money on stuff and more on experiences. Almost all my dying patients share with me their memorable experiences rather than what they’ve bought when I ask them to tell me their life stories.

No patient tells me that the proudest moment of their lives is the time he buys his first BMW or iPhone. The stuff you buy won’t make you a better person.

My cancer patient told me his happiest moment was the time he spent a week holidaying in Japan with his grandchildren. Another end-stage renal failure patient told me his most memorable moment was the time he did bungee jumping in New Zealand when he was a student.

Yes, no matter how much stuff you have bought during your young age, the moments of buying these would never make a mark in your memory.

We as a human, prefer memorable experiences over stuff when we are old and dying.

Conclusion

Rose Kennedy once said, “Life isn’t a matter of milestones, but of moments.” Life is just a collection of memorable moments we hope to recall when we are old.

Life if well-lived is long enough. Remember that time isn’t the main thing, it is the only thing matters to all of us because we only live once!

“I live to enjoy life by the littlest things, feeling the grass between my toes, breathing fresh air, watching the wind sway the trees, enjoying the company of loved ones, a deep conversation, getting lost in a good book, going for a walk in nature, watching my kids grow up. Just the feeling itself of being alive, the absolute amazing fact that we are here right now, breathing, thinking, doing.”

Marigold Wellington

Addendum: Book I’ve recently read

I enjoyed very much Dr. Adam Kay’s book. He wrote about experiences being a junior doctor in the NHS, United Kingdom. I share with him the same sentiments and dilemma while working as a junior doctor in the government ( public) hospital. It is a must read book for all junior doctors. You can get the book from the link HERE!