“Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile, but sometimes your smile can be the source of your joy.”-Thich Nhat Hanh
How to be happy in life? Having lived half of my life ( hopefully), I always wonder what is the single most important ingredient to live a happy life. Is leading a good life a question of mindset, or a state of adequacy of wealth? Or it is just merely adopting the correct attitude towards life events in our lives?
I have seen many sufferings in life- a faithful husband passed away unexpectedly, a youngster on his peak of life was diagnosed to have advanced cancer, a single mother losing her only teenage son.
Over the past 100 years, we have created a world we no longer understand. We have the most advanced technology to send messages across the world within seconds, but we don’t even make an effort to talk to our next door neighbor.
We make many advances in medicine that many deadly diseases are now gone or at least treatable, but doctors are more fallible than ever in explaining the reality of incurable diseases to their patients.
This pandemic has been raging for months and it gives me the opportunity to assemble ‘ways of life’ that might be essential if you want to live a happy life.
Stay Healthy
Health is always taken for granted by many until sickness strikes one day. We all must understand, being healthy is the most important ingredient in life to stay happy.
You can be young or old, you can be poor and wealthy but sickness never picks its victims. Everything you own in this life- your partner, your house , your children and even your health are ephemeral. All of these are on loan to you and maybe taken away at any time.
Appreciate your body and do no harm to your own. I have seen on many occasions how people do harm to themselves. Diabetic patients refuse to take drugs; young people smoke heavily thinking they will never get a heart attack.
If you don’t take good care of yourself, you need to pay big price to solve your health issues later. Always practice a healthy lifestyle because soon you will be arriving at the acceptance that not all illnesses can be treated and the limits of modern medicine.
Remember, everything organic in this world won’t last- that include you and me. Maintain your health and live a happy life.
Money is no longer a concern
I am not asking you to accumulate MYR10 million in wealth. All you need to do is reach your retirement number. Studies have given us answers, if you live in poverty, money plays a major role in your life, you live in an insecure world. Financial insecurity is misery. Nearly half of the marriages which end in divorce in Malaysia break down due to financial problems.
Money is relative but you have to understand you need to make certain amount of money to feel confident and comfortable. I talked about the Easterlin paradox in my previous post. Although many scholars are revisiting the validity of the paradox, I still believe once your wealth is above your country’s average, your level of happiness is primarily a matter of your own interpretation.
Money can’t make you happy for sure but lack of it certainly makes you miserable.
Enough
That brings us to the third way/attitude of living that could help you to be happy. You must overcome the human nature of insatiability. Wants are fickle, people tend to chase after ‘things’ for fulfilment and there seems to be no limit to what you are after.
Wealthy people go after more money in the bank account, powerful politicians go after higher positions in the administration. These people will never have something a happy person has- enough.
You have to start to appreciate the sense of enough today or else you will never become happy in your life. At the same time, for you to feel enough, you have to get rid of the emotion of envy. Nobel prize winner Bertrand Russell opined envy one of the most important sources of unhappiness in life.
Don’t compare yourself to others, jealousy and insatiability create unhappiness in life. Morgan Housel once said: “The hardest financial skill is getting the goalpost to stop moving.” Once you learn how to expect less in life, you’ll be happier!
Relationship
Humans are ultra-social species. It is our nature to interact with others in our daily life. Therefore, relationships with others play a crucial part in our happiness.
Psychology says that part of human nature’s default mode is to be social. Good social connections with our family and friends make us happy.
Satisfying relationships not only make people happy, but they are associated with better health and even longer life.
We all need company in life, a good relationship with your spouse, children and friends always add happiness to your life.
Keep in touch with your old friends but be careful when a lost-touch old friend calls you suddenly, he might want to sell you an insurance policy, a MLM product or unit trusts.
Freedom of Time
I treat a lot of patients every day. Whether they come at 9am or turn up at 2 am in the casualty, I am obliged to see them if they want to see me unless I am away.
Not until one day when my mother was sick did I realize how inadequate I was. She waited almost 10 hours at home to see me even though she was very ill. From that moment, I discovered the importance of freedom of time.
Angus Campbell a psychologist at the University of Michigan in 1981 wrote a book “The Sense of Wellbeing in America” concluded that the most powerful common denominator of happiness was simple, he claimed:
” Having a strong sense of controlling one’s life is a more dependable predictor of positive feelings of wellbeing than any of the objective conditions of life we have considered.”
Control over doing what you want, when you want to is the best variable in life that make you happy. Yes, freedom of time and the ability to control your own destiny are the best forms of freedom you can get in life. And these always give you the best sense of happiness while you are alive.
Conclusion
Suffering in life is really nothing more than the difference between the way things are and the way you imagine they should be. The less you expect in life, the happier you become.
Happy Merdeka Day to all Malaysians!
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